May 2025 – An Active Listener

Ted Lasso Overcoming Evil with Good

Ted Lasso has been all the rage in the 2020s. It’s won awards, public affection, and it serves as a model story of leadership and character. I streamed Apple TV for the sole purpose of watching it, and it didn’t disappoint. The plot was appealing to me as a sports fan, but the characters were also enjoyable, and I was happy to read Lead It Like Lasso afterward. Later, I watched the show again with my wife, who despite no interest in sports, cheered for the A.F.C. Richmond football club as any of us. The show paid dividends to me again as we could share in the story together.

Watching the show gave me humor and good cheer, but a certain episode gave me something I didn’t anticipate: A conviction of guilt. It came from my reaction to a storyline, with shame and sadness that I hadn’t seen a certain predicament as Coach Lasso did. My response didn’t match his benevolent approach to the situation, and I had an odd moment of reflecting on my beliefs. The best approach to life was now being exemplified from a fictional football coach from Kansas, and it was a unique moment while binge watching a TV show.

*Spoiler alerts from here, though I only talk about one subplot of the entire show. So take that as you will.*

Ted Lasso has an assistant coach named Nate. At first a custodian, bullied by players and shy as can be, Ted treated him from the start as any peer. He recognized Nate’s talents in soccer strategy, encouraging him to speak up for the betterment of the team. He became an asset to their success, but in time, the bullied became the bully. Nate came to swell with pride, disparaging staff for mistakes while obsessing over social media posts about himself. He quit A.F.C. Richmond with rage, claiming Ted had stopped paying attention to him, but revealing his jealousy of Ted’s popularity. Nate was the real hero of the team, and the world should know it.

Nate’s treatment of Ted was staggering, bringing viewers like me to disgust. He became a head coach elsewhere, mocking Ted and his former team in a press conference. This brought Ted under pressure from his boss and other staff to fight back. To attack Nate in the media, regaining respect for himself and the team. No one deserved Nate’s insults, let alone Ted, who only wanted to improve the lives and character of his players. But Nate now lived a life of prestige while Ted stood on the edge of a professional knife, ready to fall if he didn’t match Nate blow for blow.

As I was watching, I passionately agreed with everyone telling Ted to fight back. That little pissant, I thought of Nate. Ted gave him so much. No respect or gratefulness. Ted has to do something. But while the show brought the audience to feel this way, Ted went the opposite way. In a public response, he complimented Nate on his quick wit for the jokes, and he wished Nate the best on his new team. The press room went silent as Ted then doubled down, agreeing with Nate’s insults, taunting himself facetiously. The press didn’t know how to react, but they came to praise Ted as a class act. By the end, everyone loathed Nate, who doesn’t take it well. Scrolling through Facebook posts** that condemned him as an awful person, Ted stood above him again in the eyes of the world.

At the end of the episode, I felt guilty for how I reacted to the story. I wanted Ted to insult Nate as everyone did, and the show was remarkable in hooking us with the injustice. But I’d forgotten that the better response to any such person is charity with humility. The Bible says as much: “You have heard that it was said, ‘An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.’ But I say to you, do not resist the one who is evil. But if anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if anyone would sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well.”*** For Ted, to do what everyone wanted was counter to what was right. Even if it meant scorn from his boss and the public, his was an admirable response of grace.

Adding to my bit of shame was the fact that it was a fictional show that was teaching me how far I fell short of good character. Hadn’t I read the Bible enough to understand that Ted’s response was the best? Shouldn’t it have occurred to me that the right way to approach Nate was Ted’s? A Hollywood comedy was reminding me of the best way to live life – a way I had understood, but wasn’t taking to heart. I felt like I had been lured into a moral trap, and it should have been obvious to see how Ted ought to handle the situation. But my anger for Nate had overtaken everything else and for a moment, the show was no longer entertainment, but an experience. An opportunity to see how my thoughts were short of what was good.

Reflecting later on the episode, I saw a Catch 22 in the story.**** Everyone wanted Ted to have revenge by insulting Nate, hurting him as he had done to Ted. Instead, Ted replies with absolute grace and respect. The result? Nate is humiliated, revealing himself as a boorish ass while Ted gains in stature. It’s the story of Cain and Able, with Nate now suffering more than any insult could have done. His anger shot through the roof, and it was Ted’s grace that led him to feel that way. As it turns out, grace became the ultimate form of vengeance.

Ted’s response was a model example of an instruction from the Apostle Paul, also showing a bit of the Catch 22:

“If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head. Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” – Romans 12:20-21

Whether or not the creators of Ted Lasso had Biblical teachings in mind, this is what I’ll take away from their show. Many will see Ted’s response to Nate as weakness, but it’s easy now to see it as coming from a source of strength. Ted stood resolute with grace and forgiveness. It was a calling of faith, and ironically, the path may have served as the biggest blow to his offender. Ted dumped metaphorical coals on Nate’s head, and his ego couldn’t take the bad press. May that be said of all our situations, where the bullies of our lives come to either repentance or derangement. Let us hope to overcome evil with good, as Coach Lasso did.

*It turns out, season three will not be the last one as number four is in progress. It seems like the creators should have quit while they were ahead, but all we can do is hope in their skills for another good season. And besides, if four stinks, we’ll just forget it existed, and remember the beauty and resolution of one through three.

**I have to say, it was so strange to see all computers in the world of Ted Lasso as Apple. Everyone’s phones, the office desks, hotel lobbies, etc., all were iPhones and iMacs. I understand Apple wouldn’t want to promote any other computer company, but this made the show feel like an alternate reality. In the real world, only a small percentage of hardware is Apple, only for it now to appear as as 100%. It was hard to get use to this world.

***Matthew 5:38-40.

****Maybe I shouldn’t claim something is a Catch 22 if I can’t quite explain what one is. Just look it up, and hopefully you see what I mean here.

Struggles of Having Empathy for Men

Men are having problems these days.

Now let’s stop right there. Do you disagree? Does the idea make you roll your eyes? Does it seem trivial to focus on problems men might have? After all, women have always had it worse in life, from biology to societal submission. So to think of men as victims may seem absurd. At best, a waste of time to think about, and at worst, a sexist way of taking attention away women’s issues. Men will be fine. And even if not, let them take a back seat for a while. They’ve driven the car through all of history. The future is female.

If any of these are your thoughts, please keep reading. Even better, read the book that sparked a national discourse on the topic. If not, then maybe catch this video for a short summary from the author. If you’re inclined to go further, listen to this podcast as part of the ongoing dialogue. If you do any or all these things, I’m grateful you gave the opening sentence a chance to resonate.

Current issues facing men are striking. Higher suicide rates. Drug abuse. Fatherlessness while having a general aimlessness in achieving goals. Unrealistic dating standards from women, with neglect from a society that tailored education to be ill-fit for men. There are a lot of consequences, and it has been an uphill battle for people to take men’s problems seriously. But the issues can’t be denied. From lower fertility rates, to the psychological development of mass killers, to the young men who now follow Andrew Tate – someone who truly does have issues with women. We’re living with the results of men’s issues now, and it’s an ugly place for the world to know.

Still, the instinct is strong to scoff at men’s problems. With this, let’s go back to the reasons for objecting to the first sentence. As noted, you might see women having the short end of the stick through time. You see patriarchy today, still dismissive of the contributions women bring. You see families with abusive fathers – whether overbearing, or just dead-beat dads – who make their wives and children suffer. You see the natural disadvantages women have always faced, and you wonder why we should start worrying about men. They’ve only had problems for 40 years, versus 4,000. With all of this, it might be hard to have a heart for the XY half of the human race.

We should acknowledge the extent to which women have had the disadvantage. Consider alone the physical features of men and women. Men are stronger, and it’s easy to understand why girls would be prone to natural distress. Societies always have half of their population more physically dominant than the other. Isn’t it natural that this would create an atmosphere of intimidation for the other half?* Add to this the acts of violent men. When dating, my wife explained that when leaving a building, she feels compelled to check the back seat of her car, knowing a woman who was assaulted in this way. I thought it an odd practice, but being male, I had the ability to never have such a concern. It’s a privilege to not have this thought for myself, and my wife doesn’t have that. Neither do women.

Along with disparities in physical strength, think about periods and pregnancy. Women have them, and men don’t. The former have been debilitating to women through all of history, only for the most recent decades to offer products to assist.** As for pregnancies, the sky is the limit on the physical consequences, both spoken and unspoken in our lives. From postpartum depression, to benign tumors on your gums, it’s a rough road on the body, through nine months and beyond. Men should have a sincere gratitude for not having to live with these things, and sympathy for all who do.

All of this said, the sufferings of a gender do not stop the other’s from happening. Does the pain of women in pregnancy cancel the pain of men lacking fathers to direct them in life? Not every problem is equal, but a problem doesn’t mean that others aren’t occurring. To women who begrudge men’s problems, I’d ask to not think of us as men. Think of us as human. “Tickle us, do we not have. Prick us, do we not bleed,” etc. If we have to have the battle of comparative pains, then men folk might have things better. But it doesn’t take away from what is there. The sorrows of a woman, strong as they are, will not erase those of the man down the street. Life doesn’t work that way.

So I would appeal to us all to take more time to think of the needs of men. The men who can’t find a home for their talents and instincts in the education system. The men who need around 1,000 scrolls online just to find a woman who won’t ghost them on a first date (Seriously, listen to the podcast!). The men who won’t leave mom’s basement because they lack hope for a future worth fighting for. The men who will turn to the enraged views of online personalities who have no problems demeaning women. For the sake of all people, we should hope for men’s turnaround.***

*I have read that there are studies showing girls by default have a psychological distress with these conditions. And I almost wrote “Studies show…” here, but I can’t reference anything now. Still, it makes a certain sense that this would be the mental situation for girls as they grow up with the other gender having a natural dominance.

**Even today, much of the world faces the struggles of lacking this technology.

***A quick political after thought: A popular subject from the 2024 election is the loss of Democratic male voters. Personally, I think the problem for them is overblown. Trump won men 53 percent to 45 percent, with Harris having the same favorability from women. This isn’t a chasm of difference. If the ratios were more like 2:1, then the issue would be more striking to me. That said, if you’re compelled to break down the reasons why the 53/45 split happened, it’s still an interesting conversation.