Men are having problems these days. 

Now let’s stop right there. Do you disagree? Does the idea make you roll your eyes? Does it seem trivial to focus on problems men might have? After all, women have always had it worse in life, from biology to societal submission. So to think of men as victims may seem absurd. At best, a waste of time to think about, and at worst, a sexist way of taking attention away women’s issues. Men will be fine. And even if not, let them take a back seat for a while. They’ve driven the car through all of history. The future is female.

If any of these are your thoughts, please keep reading. Even better, read the book that sparked a national discourse on the topic. If not, then maybe catch this video for a short summary from the author. If you’re inclined to go further, listen to this podcast as part of the ongoing dialogue. If you do any or all these things, I’m grateful you gave the opening sentence a chance to resonate.

Current issues facing men are striking. Higher suicide rates. Drug abuse. Fatherlessness while having a general aimlessness in achieving goals. Unrealistic dating standards from women, with neglect from a society that tailored education to be ill-fit for men. There are a lot of consequences, and it has been an uphill battle for people to take men’s problems seriously. But the issues can’t be denied. From lower fertility rates, to the psychological development of mass killers, to the young men who now follow Andrew Tate – someone who truly does have issues with women. We’re living with the results of men’s issues now, and it’s an ugly place for the world to know.

Still, the instinct is strong to scoff at men’s problems. With this, let’s go back to the reasons for objecting to the first sentence. As noted, you might see women having the short end of the stick through time. You see patriarchy today, still dismissive of the contributions women bring. You see families with abusive fathers – whether overbearing, or just dead-beat dads – who make their wives and children suffer. You see the natural disadvantages women have always faced, and you wonder why we should start worrying about men. They’ve only had problems for 40 years, versus 4,000. With all of this, it might be hard to have a heart for the XY half of the human race.

We should acknowledge the extent to which women have had the disadvantage. Consider alone the physical features of men and women. Men are stronger, and it’s easy to understand why girls would be prone to natural distress. Societies always have half of their population more physically dominant than the other. Isn’t it natural that this would create an atmosphere of intimidation for the other half?* Add to this the acts of violent men. When dating, my wife explained that when leaving a building, she feels compelled to check the back seat of her car, knowing a woman who was assaulted in this way. I thought it an odd practice, but being male, I had the ability to never have such a concern. It’s a privilege to not have this thought for myself, and my wife doesn’t have that. Neither do women.

Along with disparities in physical strength, think about periods and pregnancy. Women have them, and men don’t. The former have been debilitating to women through all of history, only for the most recent decades to offer products to assist.** As for pregnancies, the sky is the limit on the physical consequences, both spoken and unspoken in our lives. From postpartum depression, to benign tumors on your gums, it’s a rough road on the body, through nine months and beyond. Men should have a sincere gratitude for not having to live with these things, and sympathy for all who do.

All of this said, the sufferings of a gender do not stop the other’s from happening. Does the pain of women in pregnancy cancel the pain of men lacking fathers to direct them in life? Not every problem is equal, but a problem doesn’t mean that others aren’t occurring. To women who begrudge men’s problems, I’d ask to not think of us as men. Think of us as human. “Tickle us, do we not have. Prick us, do we not bleed,” etc.  If we have to have the battle of comparative pains, then men folk might have things better. But it doesn’t take away from what is there. The sorrows of a woman, strong as they are, will not erase those of the man down the street. Life doesn’t work that way.

So I would appeal to us all to take more time to think of the needs of men. The men who can’t find a home for their talents and instincts in the education system. The men who need around 1,000 scrolls online just to find a woman who won’t ghost them on a first date (Seriously, listen to the podcast!). The men who won’t leave mom’s basement because they lack hope for a future worth fighting for. The men who will turn to the enraged views of online personalities who have no problems demeaning women. For the sake of all people, we should hope for men’s turnaround.***

*I have read that there are studies showing girls by default have a psychological distress with these conditions. And I almost wrote “Studies show…” here, but I can’t reference anything now. Still, it makes a certain sense that this would be the mental situation for girls as they grow up with the other gender having a natural dominance.

**Even today, much of the world faces the struggles of lacking this technology.

***A quick political after thought: A popular subject from the 2024 election is the loss of Democratic male voters. Personally, I think the problem for them is overblown. Trump won men 53 percent to 45 percent, with Harris having the same favorability from women. This isn’t a chasm of difference. If the ratios were more like 2:1, then the issue would be more striking to me. That said, if you’re compelled to break down the reasons why the 53/45 split happened, it’s still an interesting conversation.